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PROGRAM OUTCOMES:
Catherine J., an online program participant, shares her results
from a nature-connecting activity.
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UNDERSTANDING WRANGLERS: THE FREEDOM TO LOVE FULLY
The assignment says, "Go
to a natural area or thing that attracts you. Thankfully obtain
permission to visit it. Sense and enjoy it for 3 minutes or more.
Then make a list of the wranglers (irritating, insensitive unreasonable
cultural authorities-leaders) that separate you from how you
think and feel now."
I sat in the sun for an hour or so and made the following list
of wranglers:
~ I feel wrangled by neighbors who use offensive language or
whose behavior I find offensive
~ I sometimes feel wrangled by internalized stories that I am
or burden to others or unlovable (childhood stuff)
~ I feel wrangled by a society that uses cars and other machines
to such an extreme extent
~ I feel wrangled by the loud noises of cars and other machines
~ I feel wrangled by the American fast pace of life
~ I feel wrangled by my upbringing story to be a nice person
and not always express my frustration and anger
~ I sometimes feel wrangled by fear
~ My feel that I am wrangled by my husband, but I haven't yet
been able to figure out what that is all about
These wranglers make me feel frustrated, like the loud noises
and machines, some make me feel sad, like the childhood story
that I am a burden or unlovable, some make me feel helpless,
like that the fast pace world all around me (even though where
I live now is really quite slow, liberal and fun). When I am
wrangled by fear, I feel paralyzed. When I feel wrangled to be
a nice person and not express my dark emotions, I find myself
soon depressed. The feelings of being wrangled by my husband
make me curious.
I have internalized some of
these wranglers so that parts of me wrangle me. This results
are the depression, the frustration, the feelings of anger and
lack of self-worth.
I sometimes wrangle others,
use offensive language when I am mad or frustrated (I have to
pay my boys a dollar each if they hear me!) I know that I wrangle
my husband and our children. I try not to be a dictator, but
there are some things that they have to do just because I tell
them to, like helping with the dishes and cleaning up after themselves
and getting their homework done on time, basic stuff. I caught
myself the other day almost saying to one of my boys, "Shame
on you." I cringed, and bit my tongue, because this is an
expression that was often said to me by my grandparents and great-grandmother.
I talked to our boys and asked if anyone has ever said this expression
to them, and they said that some of the kids at school use it.
We talked quite a while about personal perspectives, and that
no one has the right to tell them they should be ashamed of themselves.
Especially teachers.
I found this to be a heavy
chapter, a thick one to get through, took a while to chew on.
I have notes written all of the white spaces on the pages, sentences
underlined and little stars all over. It made me think about
my German husband, about his parents who were children caught
in the bombing in Germany, in the middle of the madness. I thought
about my husband's childhood. I thought about how I felt during
my 10 years in Germany. I felt good when I arrived, I was just
me, had been for a long time. Then I discovered that being me
didn't fit in, so I started to change, little by little, wear
different clothes, be less natural, learn the do's and the don'ts
of social acceptance, which Germany has a lot of. After 7 years
of this, I was depressed, oppressed, and feeling down right homesick
for America.
I have learned something important.
A big thing. I think of it even as a minor enlightenment. I feel
freed. I feel that I have shaken myself free of the chains weighing
me down. I feel light, and I understand, and I hope I never forget.
The understanding came out of a sort of crisis, a misunderstanding/argument
between my husband and myself. He was trying to make himself
understood and I was trying to make myself understood. It wasn't
working. We were just bashing heads, and I was feeling worse
and worse by the moment. Suddenly, he said something which made
me go, "Aha!" I knew I had gotten it, unveiled his
cultural story, understood the tricks he unconsciously used to
wrangle me, the ones his parents had used to wrangle him. What
I discovered is that it isn't him at all, not him, but his cultural
story for having been brought up in post-war Germany, where guilt
and shame are major psychological forces influencing almost everyone's
thoughts and actions. For a flash of a moment, I saw it all clearly,
his connection to his history, how this colors how he sees reality,
influences the words he chooses to use. I saw just as clearly
that it is not my history. My cultural story is different. Not
better, not worse, just different.
It has been over a week now
since this revelation. I still feel free. Mental freedom. Freedom
to love fully. It feels good.
Act now.
Master Organic
Psychology by doing it.
Explore it from our homepage
Read
Additional Student Reports
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Contact us at 360-378-6313 mailto:nature@interisland.net,
http://www.ecopsych.com
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